Clown pocket New York Yankees playoff hero of yesteryear Jim Leyritz is determined to prove that he is innocent of a DUI manslaughter charge that stems from a December 2007 automobile crash in Fort Lauderdale that killed Fedia Ann Veitch, a mother of two children.

"There was no possibility of me avoiding that crash with all of my senses," Leyritz, 45, told The Miami Herald last weekend despite the fact that he operated his SUV chemically inconvenienced with a blood-alcohol level that rivaled Nicholas Cage’s character in Leaving Las Vegas.

"A mother was taken away from her kids. I can't change that. But I didn't do it. The accident did. And that accident wasn't my fault."

The pulsating cock that is Jim Leyritz, a career .264 hitter who played on seven teams in 11 seasons, reportedly morphed his liver into a prune slamming Grey Goose vodka and tonics while he tried to seduce Playboy pin-up Erica Chevillar at a local club that fateful evening.

Continue reading "Jim Leyritz Will Soon Be Living in a “Federal Pound-Me-In-The-Ass Prison”"

The New York Yankees defeated the Seattle Mariners 8-5 Tuesday night in the Bronx to move 12 games over .500 for the first time this season.

Yankees hurler Joba Chamberlain (4-2, 3.89 ERA) yielded three runs on nine hits over 5-1/3 innings to help the Yankees notch their sixth straight victory in the no-decision.

Bombers Manager Joe Girardi said he is pleased with Chamberlain’s efforts to date and he insinuated that he is not worried his precocious ace will cower under pressure and begin to smoke meth with his estranged mother, Jacqueline Standley.

"The bottom line is we're 10-5 in his starts," said Girardi, one of the most unlikable leaders the field of athletics has seen since John Goodman’s character in Revenge of the Nerds.

Continue reading "There Will Be No Homoerotic Riverdance for Papelbon This Fall"

Bobby Lashley Would Dominate The UFC 

Former WWE and ECW champion Bobby “The Dominator” Lashley pulverized mixed martial arts veteran fighter Bob “The Beast” Sapp via TKO less than two minutes into their bout Saturday night at “Ultimate Chaos” in Biloxi, Miss. Moments after the opening bell rang, Lashley (4-0) easily grappled the enormous Sapp (10-5-1) to the canvas.  

Once Lashley, 32, seized the advantage, he connected with a vicious barrage of punches on Sapp, 35, until the onetime PRIDE and K-1 star tapped the mat to signal to the referee that he wanted the fight called at 1:17 of the first round.

 

"I got a good shot in the eye and was unable to see," explained the onetime University of Washington offensive lineman who was chosen by the Chicago Bears in the third round of the 1997 NFL Draft. "He got me in the eye. No excuses, He got me down today and controlled it. Give it up to Bobby Lashley."

Continue reading "Bobby Lashley Would Dominate The UFC & Wang, Hughes & Mariano Rivera Are The Keys To A Yanks Championship"

Former Tennessee Titans and Baltimore Ravens star quarterback Steve McNair was shot and killed Saturday night in his downtown Nashville condominium.

Nashville authorities have indicated that McNair, 36, may have been slain by his 20-year-old mistress, Sahel Kazemi, in a murder-suicide.

The fuzz revealed to the press that McNair, a 3-time Pro Bowl selection and the 2003 Co-AP NFL MVP, was shot four times and the strumpet that he dated on the side for four months died from a single bullet wound to her head.

“Air McNair,” who was selected out of Alcorn State by the Houston Oilers with the third pick in the 1995 NFL Draft, became only the third player in league history to pass for 30,000 yards and run for an additional 3,500 yards in his career.

“If you were going to draw a football player, the physical part, the mental part, everything about being a professional, he is your guy,” said former Titans and Ravens cornerback Samari Rolle, who played with McNair on both teams. “It is a sad, sad day. The world lost a great man.”

Continue reading "Steve McNair Was Not The Man We Thougt He Was"

Boston Red Sox pitcher Tim Wakefield was selected last week as an AL All-Star for the first time in his improbable 18-year career and the knuckleballer will participate in Major League Baseball’s Midsummer Classic next Tuesday at Busch Stadium in St. Louis, Missouri.

Wakefield (10-3, 4.30 ERA), a two-time World Series champion and the 1995 AL Comeback Player of the Year, has won 174 games for the Red Sox since he was acquired by the team in 1995.

The native of Melbourne, Florida currently ranks third behind legends Cy Young and Roger Clemens for the most wins in the history of the Red Sox storied franchise.

Wakefield, a solid human being who has been nominated seven-times for the Roberto Clemente Award for his generous charitable contributions off of the field, began his minor league career as a corner infielder for Watertown of the New York-Penn League.

Continue reading "Is Tim Wakefield Destined For Cooperstown?"

Is Tim Wakefield Destined For Cooperstown?

Boston Red Sox pitcher Tim Wakefield was selected last week as an AL All-Star for the first time in his improbable 18-year career and the knuckleballer will participate in Major League Baseball’s Midsummer Classic next Tuesday at Busch Stadium in St. Louis, Missouri.

Wakefield (10-3, 4.30 ERA), a two-time World Series champion and the 1995 AL Comeback Player of the Year, has won 174 games for the Red Sox since he was acquired by the team in 1995.

The native of Melbourne, Florida currently ranks third behind legends Cy Young and Roger Clemens for the most wins in the history of the Red Sox storied franchise.

Wakefield, a solid human being who has been nominated seven-times for the Roberto Clemente Award for his generous charitable contributions off of the field, began his minor league career as a corner infielder for Watertown of the New York-Penn League.

Continue reading "Is Tim Wakefield Destined For Cooperstown? & Steve McNair Is Not the Man We Thought He Was"

UFC Heavyweight Champion Brock Lesnar demolished interim titleholder Frank Mir in their rematch to retain his crown via TKO at the Mandalay Bay Events Center in Las Vegas Saturday night.

Lesnar (4-1), who avenged his only defeat with the win, overpowered and brutally bludgeoned Mir (12-4) before referee Herb Dean mercifully called a halt to the fight 1:48 into the second round.

Moments after the decided mismatch ended, Lesnar, 32, a former WWE Undisputed Champion, flipped off the hostile crowd that had booed him all evening since he first made his appearance.

After his classy salutes to the fans in "Sin City," the South Dakota farm boy of yesteryear proceeded to taunt the gruesomely battered Mir, 30, while he attempted to regain his equilibrium in the cage.

Continue reading "Brock Lesnar May Not "Get Beat" For Many Years"

Can Brock Lesnar Be “Beat?”

UFC Heavyweight Champion Brock Lesnar demolished interim titleholder Frank Mir in their rematch to retain his crown via TKO at the Mandalay Bay Events Center in Las Vegas Saturday night.

Lesnar (4-1), who avenged his only defeat with the win, overpowered and brutally bludgeoned Mir (12-4) before referee Herb Dean mercifully called a halt to the fight 1:48 into the second round.

Moments after the decided mismatch ended, Lesnar, 32, a former WWE Undisputed Champion, flipped off the hostile crowd that had booed him all evening since he first made his appearance.

After his classy salutes to the fans in "Sin City," the South Dakota farm boy of yesteryear proceeded to taunt the gruesomely battered Mir, 30, while he attempted to regain his equilibrium in the cage.

Continue reading "Can Brock Lesnar Be “Beat?” & Fans Should Be "Suspicious" of Albert Pujols"

The New York Yankees defeated the Detroit Tigers 2-1 Saturday afternoon in the Bronx on the 10th anniversary of David Cone’s perfect game. 

Cone, who recorded 2,688 strikeouts and went 194-126 with a 3.46 ERA in his Major League Baseball career, pitched his perfect game in a 6-0 Bombers victory against the Montreal Expos on July 18th, 1999. 

"The further I get away from the game, the more I appreciate that it is my signature moment," said Cone, 46, who became only the 16th man in major league history to achieve the feat on that steamy summer afternoon.  

Cone, a five-time All-Star selection and the winner of the 1994 AL Cy Young Award, said that he prefers the five championship rings that he acquired over his own personal accolades. 

Continue reading "David Cone Should Be In Cooperstown"

Hall of Fame New York Giants linebacker Lawrence Taylor told KLAC radio station in Los Angeles last week that he no longer follows NFL action because he prefers to watch pornography instead.

"I don't really mess with football anymore," said Taylor, 50, a ten-time Pro Bowl selection who was named to the NFL's 75th Anniversary All-Time Team. "That's an era of my life that has passed. A lot of guys will sit there and live football. Every Sunday they're glued to the television watching football. I don't watch football. I'd rather watch two people f@ck."

L.T. was selected by the Giants out of the University of North Carolina with the second overall pick in the 1981 NFL Draft.

From the instant he premiered in the swamps of New Jersey, the native of Williamsburg, Virginia physically overwhelmed the competition and he is widely credited with revolutionizing the linebacker position in the professional ranks.

Continue reading "Lawrence Taylor No Longer Watches Football...But, He Loves To Watch Porn!"

Disgraced football superstar Michael Vick completed his prison sentence under house arrest Monday at his home in Hampton, VA.

Vick, 29, who had been caged in a federal prison in Leavenworth, Kansas since December of 2007 for serving as the kingpin of an illegal dog fighting operation, was released by the Atlanta Falcons this past June and he is currently a free-agent suspended from playing in the NFL.

NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell has said that he will consider reinstating Vick provided he exhibits “genuine remorse” for brutally slaughtering and torturing canines for his own entertainment purposes.

The NFL’s head honcho continued and he labeled Vick’s actions, “Not only illegal, but also cruel and reprehensible.”

“He’s going to have to demonstrate to the larger community, not just to the NFL community and me, that he has remorse for what he did and he recognizes the mistakes that he made,” Goodell informed the

Continue reading "If Michael Vick Can't Play In The NFL, How Can He Become a "Different Person?""

If Michael Vick Can’t Play in the NFL, How Can He Become a “Different Person?” 

Disgraced football superstar Michael Vick completed his prison sentence under house arrest Monday at his home in Hampton, VA.  

Vick, 29, who had been caged in a federal prison in Leavenworth, Kansas since December of 2007 for serving as the kingpin of an illegal dog fighting operation, was released by the Atlanta Falcons this past June and he is currently a free-agent suspended from playing in the NFL. 

 NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell has said that he will consider reinstating Vick provided he exhibits “genuine remorse” for brutally slaughtering and torturing canines for his own entertainment purposes.

The NFL’s head honcho continued and he labeled Vick’s actions, “Not only illegal, but also cruel and reprehensible.” 

Continue reading "If Michael Vick Can’t Play in the NFL, How Can He Become a “Different Person?" & Lawrence Taylor No Longer Watches Football….But, He Loves To Watch Porn! & David Cone Should Be In Cooperstown"

The New York Yankees defeated the Oakland Athletics 7-5 Sunday afternoon in the Bronx to extend their lead in the American League East to 2.5 games over the rival Boston Red Sox.

 

First baseman Mark Teixeira hit an RBI single to center in a crucial moment of the game and the Bombers became the first American League squad to reach 60 wins this season.

 

The Yankees, who completed a 9-1 home stand to go 22 games over .500, are scheduled to play 18 of their next 24 games on the road.

 

New York has recently flourished after a shaky start to their year because they have received timely hitting and superb pitching from both their starting rotation and bullpen.

 

Nevertheless, the acquisition of Teixeira, 29, and his impact on the Yankees from both defensive and offensive standpoints can’t be discounted.

Continue reading "The Yankees Are Better Because Teixeira Doesn't Wear A Thong"

New York Yankees pitcher Joba Chamberlain had his second consecutive stellar outing since the All-Star break in an 8-3 victory over the Oakland Athletics at the Stadium last Friday night.  

Chamberlain, 23, who had posted a 6.75 ERA and allowed 27 hits over three straight no-decisions prior to the Midsummer Classic, hurled seven dominant innings versus the A’s to help quiet critics who constantly press for his return to the bullpen. 

“I’m just having fun, getting back to being myself,” said Chamberlain, who is now 6-2 with a 3.86 ERA as a starter this season.  

Despite his recent dynamic performances and the soaring velocity on his pitches of late, the Bombers hierarchy intends to dramatically limit the number of innings that Joba will throw henceforth. 

Continue reading "The Best Way To Get Joba Hurt Is To Limit His Innings"

Latin pop singer Marc Anthony officially became a minority owner of the Miami Dolphins last week.

 

New Dolphins owner Stephen M. Ross decided to add Anthony, 40, as an investor after he received a call from a lawyer who suggested he meet with Jennifer Lopez’s bitch.

 

The best-selling Salsa singer of all-time called investing in the teal and pink clad franchise that hasn’t won a championship since 1973 “a dream come true, a no-brainer.”

 

“What was interesting was you couldn’t help but be a Miami fan, it’s almost like America’s team, claimed Anthony in a baffling and ridiculous statement. “Being born and raised here in New York, East Harlem, you’d think Jets or Giants, but you were always aware of the Miami Dolphins and what (Dan) Marino was doing.”

Continue reading "With Marc Anthony As An Owner, The Fish Won't Win It Again Until 2073"

A man was beaten to death in a savage and needless fracas that occurred outside of Citizen’s Bank Park in the final innings of the Philadelphia Phillies 14-6 home win versus the St. Louis Cardinals Saturday night. 

Police said a brouhaha initially erupted between a group from a bachelor party and other shitfaced patrons inside McFadden’s Restaurant and Saloon next to the Phillies ballpark. 

Bouncers employed at the watering hole were reportedly able to successfully eject the brawling degenerates from the establishment.  

However, the melee, which involved as many as 30 patrons, moved outside into parking lot “M.” 

When the vicious bloodbath that originated over a spilled cup of beer ended, 22-year-old Lansdale resident David Sale was taken to the Hospital of the University of Pennsylvania where he was pronounced dead at approximately 8PM. 

Continue reading "Philadelphia Sports Fans Are Scumbags"

Philadelphia Sports Fans Are Scumbags

A man was beaten to death in a savage and needless fracas that occurred outside of Citizen’s Bank Park in the final innings of the Philadelphia Phillies 14-6 home win versus the St. Louis Cardinals Saturday night.  

Police said brouhaha initially erupted between a group from a bachelor party and other shitfaced patrons inside McFadden’s Restaurant and Saloon next to the Phillies ballpark.  

Bouncers employed at the watering hole were reportedly able to successfully eject the brawling degenerates from the establishment.   

However, the melee, which involved as many as 30 patrons, moved outside into parking lot “M.” 

When the vicious bloodbath that originated over a spilled cup of beer ended, 22-year-old Lansdale resident David Sale was taken to the Hospital of the University of Pennsylvania where he was pronounced dead at approximately 8PM.  

Continue reading "Philadelphia Sports Fans Are Scumbags, The Yankees Are Better Because Teixeira Doesn't Wear a Thong, With Marc Anthony as an Owner, the Fish Won't Win It Again Until 2073 & The Best Way to Get Joba Hurt Is To Limit His Innings"