DO YOU HATE A-ROD? THEY DO! WHY RED SOX FANS ARE STILL BITTER IN 2008...

In a whimsical moment the other day, I touched upon something that has nothing to do with baseball: looks.  That is, men's looks, the way the players style themselves, the way they carry themselves on the field.  I never thought much of it, really, until the Red Sox teams of recent years began dissolving camera lenses across the country, leading to an investigation by Major League baseball.  What was happening? 

<>Well, first of all, it was my girlfriend who pointed out the hideous nature of Red Sox players.  I hated them for their personality: the faux-tough Varitek ("I'll fight you -- with my catcher's mask and pads on!"); the whiny, just dying to be beaned Youkilis; the moronic Manny, ready to trip over his own pants -- if he ever cared enough to run to first base<>.  She was referring to their natural, physical ugliness and the way the "Idiots" of 2004 were difficult to watch, in close-ups, in interviews, fielding pop flies, etc. 

<>The question is "They won: Who cares what they looked like?" 

The answer: "They did."

<>That's why they 2004 Red Sox cultivated their goatees and facial hair just so, landing them a spot on Queer Eye For the Straight Guy.  I know what you're thinking: "Doug Mirabelli's not straight!"  You might be right, but notwithstanding the show had to go on.  They made their victory lap on all sorts of shows, earning enough spite along the way to take some heat off the Yankees.  There's just something annoying about people so caught up in themselves (e.g., Red Sox fans after the 2004 win.  Eventually it dawned on them: they root for a baseball team most people in the country don't care about.). For that I am eternally grateful to the Red Sox.  The same people who used to cry about the Yankees buying championships cheered on the most expensive team to ever win a World Series: the 2004 Red Sox.  That is, until the 2007 Red Sox became the most expensive team to win a World Series.  Are they worse than those Yankees teams in spending?  That's for you to decide.  We're here to examine the Queer Eye element of the Red Sox and how it ties into their hatred of Alex Rodriguez, baseball god extraordinaire.

<><>Now we all know Alex has his flaws.  I'm happy to acknowledge them: he hasn't had a great postseason series since vs. the Twins in 2004.  He presses sometimes instead of letting his ability glide and so on.  However, when I talk to Red Sox fans (or read some of their silly writing) I can't help but marvel at how much they hate him.  What's up with it?

HE'S THE GUY THAT TOOK THEIR GIRLFRIEND IN HIGH SCHOOL

<><>I can picture it now.  As casually as he slapped the ball from Bronson Arroyo's glove, so did he take the girlfriend of a goateed Sox fan back in the day.  He loved her; she left him for the big guy who hits the home runs and trots around the bases.  No serenade on his guitar could stop it.  She was gone forever.  Then so was A-Rod.

<>HE'S THE GUY THEY WISH THEY LOOKED LIKE

I don't need to follow this comment with much: every girl I know likes A-Rod on some level.  These same girls are appalled by the sight of virtually any member of Boston's squad.  Red Sox fans don't like the idea that this handsome guy who hits monstrous home runs is on the prowl in a Yankees uniform.  No, they would rather look like Kevin Youkilis.

<>HE STOOD UP FOR HIMSELF

Being the best player in the game will get you thrown at.  That's why A-Rod gets hit every time the Yankees play Boston.   Naturally, it can get old, fast.  I couldn't blame him in the slightest when he called out Arroyo after getting beaned yet again in 2004.  And I couldn't help but laugh as Varitek stepped in BUT NEVER TOOK HIS MASK OFF.  Who fights people with a mask on?  We have a word for that, it starts with a p and ends with a y.  In the middle, just put the Dow Jone ticker symbol for US Steel.  So now A-Rod couldn't exactly be called a pretty boy.  He starts fights and he consistently plays hard-nose baseball, with nice take-out slides and borderline illegal shenanigans that would make Ty Cobb proud.  See Varitek step in front of the plate when he's coming?  I see Varitek almost run up the first base line, praying that ball doesn't beat Alex to the plate.  Yeah, you can hit him, but he might steal second and score on a single.  This feature of his game is what puts him above sluggers like Ortiz and Ramirez and almost everyone else: he can run, throw, play defense and drive the ball into other zip codes.  Ortiz can't even stand on first base for a few innings (why he'll never be the MVP).  

<>Which brings us back to square one: Red Sox fans are still angry about the Yankees, about A-Rod, about life sometimes.  I hoped the lifting of the Curse would stop it once and for all, but no such luck: Red Sox fans are more bitter than ever.  It turns out it's not just winning: it's also looks, jealousy, the inferiority complex that in some way will never allow Boston to consider itself New York's equal.  But really, folks: you ever wonder why so many people from New England live in New York?